If you could change one thing about yourself what would it be?

We all have some areas in our life where we would like to be better than what we are. Even for the person who claims to be so perfect. So what would it be in your case? If you could change one thing in your life in an instant what would it be. Would it be your hair color, your pot belly (sorry) or something different. Something intangible like your nagging ways or your inability to stand by a decision. Let me know. I'm all ears literally lol (i do have will smith and martin lawrence ears but i don't wanna hear any satellite jokes, dumbo jokes or none of that).

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.

ORAL SEX DEBATE!

Disclaimer : Sexual contents are below and not suitable for those under the age of 18.

EB: I'm about to put myself out here on this one... Yup Eb is going to go ahead and tell all her biz. But I got questions, and we're all grown folks here... so let's talk about it.

First of all, a lot of people still can't believe that their are black men that don't eat p*ssy and black women that don't give head. I for one can because I have dealt with a man who didn't and I have a complex about giving head.

So here goes, I lost my virginity in high school, but always promised myself that I would never give head until I was married. Thought that was the least of gifts I could give to the man I would be with for the rest of my life since I wasn't a virgin, but he would know that he was the only man that I have ever pleasured in that way. Seems like good logic right? Maybe?

Anyway, in college I met the guy I thought I was going to marry. I was so headover heels for this undeserving guy it was sickening. He cheated constantly and I thought it was because I wasn't giving head. Like the saying goes "if you don't do it, he will find someone that will."

Senior Year in college, I finally indulged in the forbidden territory with this dude. In the 2 years after that we were off an on so I think I only did it once or twice more.

The complex comes in me doing it for someone that wasn't worthy may be the psychology behind the reason that I now I will only do it for a dude I love. Everyone always says after you've done it once it should be nothing to do it often. I ain't trying to hear that. I think its not something you do for every Tom, Dick, Harry, or Jumpoff. With this thinking am I putting "giving head" on a pedestal? Is it not that big of a deal? What is the man's perception of a female who does it that they are not in a monogamous relationship with? How soon is too soon to go there with a man, and when have you waited too long? Is this the reason why our brothers are going to other races because they have a more nonchalant attitude about giving head?

Also the bonus questions... What constitutes giving good head? How do you as men like it to be done? I ask this because someone that is inexperience in this department wants to know. I remember I was drunk one night and did it for the guy above and the next morning he had a complete attitude with me. I don't know what I did the night before, because I couldn't remember (yeah I was that drunk) but he wanted to know who the hell I had been practicing on, so I guess it was good to him. So back to the questions that started this little paragraph... answers men...Also for the men that don't eat p*ssy, explain why? Or if you do explain why their might be a complex about doing it from the male perspective.

TUBS Response

Why don't some men and women give head?

Because not everybody washes their ass right lol. And some people actually have enough self-respect not to do it. And some people don't like it done to them. If you know what you doing then me likey. If you don't, make it wet and we'll go from there.

Seems like logic right?

Good logic and very thoughtful too. Men are not going to have respect for you if you give it up too easy.

That guy must have been a stud. And you probably just wanted him so you can look good to others and make the women hate you lol.

He didn't cheat because you didn't give him head though.

He cheated for a number of reasons that I'll talk about in my audiobook: Getting Over The Drama: A Black Man Who Knows Something Answers 10 Critical Questions About Our Relationships (sorry for the shameless self promotion lol)

EB: DEFINITELY A SHAMELESS PLUG, BUT ITS ALL GOOD TUBS

I am positive he felt bad about it every time he did it. Didn't want to feel that way so he tried to justify it by cheating some more

Am I putting giving head on a pedastool?

Yes! And it deserves to be there, because if you don't show self respect people will walk all over you. And you always show self respect by doing what's right, as opposed to doing what feels good or makes you look good. Men don't show self respect when they sleep around. They catch feelings for one of the women they slept with and now they are wondering why she won't return his calls or want to be with him.

What is the man's perception of a female who does it that they are not in a monogamous relationship with?

That she's easy and she doesn't deserve respect because she doesn't respect herself. But, that goes for the guys too. Women will NOT respect you, they might want that d#*k, but that's not respect. A black man is more than just a breeding animal. He has feelings, thoughts, passions, wishes, purposes, likes, dislikes and desires just like anybody else. And all of these things will not be respected if he gives it up too easy.

How soon is too soon to go there with a man, and when have you waited too long?

Yo no se about this e, it depends on the nature of the relationship and how much you know on the issue of relationships (in my humble opinion (dappa)). You should wait till you've been together a long time (ideally). Now you can always say the right things and DO the right things to get that person to respect you more in the future after you did it (check in the audiobook).

However, when you know for a fact that you 2 are in LOVE and not infatuation then you can do it. But not too many times because men and women want head for different reasons that don't always relate to sex. Sometimes it's about domination and control. Sometimes it's about something else

Is this the reason why our brothers are going to other races because they have a more nonchalant attitude about giving head?

There are many reasons for this as well e. Men, just like women, tend to want what is easy until it becomes too easy. They might have that white women but more than likely they are cheating on her with black women (unless they are afraid of black women). Things are getting too long so I'll just say this. The main reason black men want white women is because they have always seen the white woman as a symbol of beauty ever since they was young. Some guys act on this belief. Some don't.

What constitutes giving good head? How do you as men like it to be done?

Technique is what's important. I've read some material on this and one book said that the most sensitive part of man's penis is where he was circumcised. So if you suck around the cusp of the penis then you'll really get him going. I like the tipping lol (whatever they call it) where the woman sucks on the tip of the penis girating her tongue back and forth through the slit with the whole head in her while she strokes the shaft. That's definitely a good way lol.

Also for the men that don't eat p*ssy, explain why? Or if you do explain why their might be a complex about doing it from the male perspective.

I've been eating pu#*y for a looooooong time so it's nothing for me. I'll generally do it the first time (which might explain why I haven't had much success with women) if she smells like sanitation (like biggy says) because I don't feel good unless I give a woman an orgasm. Now some it might take a little extra time for. But for most it won't.

Now for the guys who don't do it, I have no idea lol. This will be pure speculation. I assume they think it's nasty or they just believe that they are the s*#t and don't think that they have to do it or they are waiting for the right one to do it for themselves.

Oral Sex or Not!

This is a highly debated issue. I think we should look at its purpose.

What is the purpose?

I don't know lol. I guess it's to stimulate the person sexually so that an orgasm is possible.

Is oral sex good?

It sure feels good lol.

What are the benefits of oral sex?

It helps us to show our sexual partner that we are willing to go the extra mile to please themIt can help us to get perks in the relationship if the person knows how to do it right lol

What are some of the detriments of oral sex?

You could catch an STD, throat cancer whatever (even though there are cures for these diseases).

It could be used as a form of degradation and domination (people can convince their partner to perform these acts as a means of degrading them and feeding their own ego).

Where did we learn to perform these acts?

We learned from people in our lives

We learned from watching pornography (which is about degrading women through sex).

Does oral sex enhance the sexual experience?

YES! Lol

So should we do it?

In my opinion, it's OK as long as it is done mutually by both partners and not a form of domination or ego stroking.I also believe it's OK as long as proper sanitation procedures are taken lol and as long as you know the cure to ALL of the things that you might catch as a result of doing it.

So let's discuss blog world... Did TUBS give me good answers to my questions?

Do you agree or disagree, and what's your apprehensions about oral sex?

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.

Who's causing more problems: men or women?

i hate to start it off like this but my homegurl ebonne has the whole week dedicated to relationships so she asked me to do a collaboration with her to see if we could skool some people

you can get her version here to see her comments.

it's my birthday too yall

yup turned 27 and i feel like kat williams in the pimp chronicles when he was imitating white people by saying "tonight, we're gonna get f#*ked up" lol

but any who, here's the post and give some honest feedback please

it would be very much appreciated

my writing is in blue, her's is in lilac (pink for the guys lol)

Who's causing more problems in the relationship men or women

The question is really irrelevant because it doesn't matter. Just phrased it like this because so many of us are used to playing the blame game. If I had to say who was mostly to blame I would have to say the men are. Why? It's the men's fault because we don't know our roles as men. The man's responsibility is to protect and provide for, not only his wife and children, but his community, ethnic group and nation. No healthy group of men ever see the end point of their lives as working for another group of men and leaving the responsibility for providing food, clothes, shelter and jobs in the hands of those other men. It's no wonder black women have so much contempt for black men, because like E said on my independent women post, "Seriously, ya'll always whining about the independent woman... if ya'll stepped ya'll game up and was taking care of business we wouldn't have to be so damn independent!"

She is absolutely correct. But in order to hold somebody accountable they have to know right from wrong. This is why I believe that it's really not the black man's fault. He was never taught this. The responsibility does fall on the ones (like me and the black men who are reading this now, sorry lol) who are conscious of this fact. And the ones who are conscious of this fact have been doing a terrible job for the most part (like me).Also, you have to look at who benefits from us being divided (black men from black women). The best way to get a people to serve you is to make them dependent on you. Another way to keep people dependent on you is to break the self confidence of the ones who are strong enough to go against you, the men of the group. You do this by cutting off their examples of real manhood, and by giving them a false image of what manhood really is. Tell him that being unable to resist sleeping with a woman is the essence of manhood. Tell him anything that doesn't require him being the sole providers and protectors of his women and children.

Can we really do this though TUBS? When we approach men about these issues aren't we looked at as the Angry Bitter Black B*tch? Yes, we most certainly do. But I think it can be done if the ladies realize that its all about the approach. We need to bring back the stabilization of sitting down and having meaningful conversation with men. To leave the situation alone when we feel everything that comes out of our mouth will be loud and abrasive. Remove ourselves from the situation until we can talk about it in a calm matter, because as soon as we start to yell or scold is when men tune us out.Our education is controlled by another group of men.

If you had a business and you hired someone, would you train them to be equal to you and start a business like you so that they could be your competition? Uhhhh no, lol. You are gonna train them to serve you. You might give them a nice pay for doing a good job in what you created, but you are not going to train them to be equal to you. And some of us believe that other people have our best interest in mind. Some do, but most don't.

In closing, if the black man and the black woman really loved each other and got along the way that we should, then no other group or race would be able to use us and exploit us the way they do now.But it shows how smart we really are as a people.

Every other ethnic group in the world feeds off of our ignorance but yet we still love each other the best way we can. We still have the desire to be with each other, so they haven't been doing a good job of keeping us divided.

Is the desire to be with each other really still there? You would think that with the percentage of interracial marriages where the black man is the African American counterpart in the relationship that black men may have the desire but aren't up for putting in the work. Let's discuss further. I agree with TUBS that the men are more at fault. They have stepped down from the traditional role of being the head of the household.

Let's talk about it...

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.

Come from a long line of sexual stallions

Have you ever heard about a woman fainting while having sex?

I know this crazy, insensitive, confused man who whenever the issue of sex comes up always tells this story about how he made this woman faint while engaging in coitus with her. Having no consideration for the poor unfortunate audience who has to twist and turn, shake their heads in disgust and sit there looking crazy as he goes on and on about how he was sooooooo scared to death when she wouldn't move and how he had to throw water on her just to see if she was alive.

Have you ever heard of a story like this where a woman was so overwhelmed with pleasure in this way?

Now he is the one who should be making an audiobook lol.

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.

Independence…Yeah, Right? Who Really Wants That?!?!

My baby freefree posted this last year in august of 2007 and i think it was interesting and funny so i thought i would re-post it myself.

hope you likey.

Independence…Yeah, Right? Who Really Wants That?!?!

I am a strong black woman who was taught to hold my own. Never depend on a Man I was told. And, make things happen for myself. The beautiful black women in my family drilled this into me. 'Depend on yourself and DO NOT depend on a Man for anything’ they would say. Even the men in my family encouaged this concept as well. They all encouraged me to have my own flow (money), so that if that Negro starts trippin’ I would be able to handle my finances on my own. His money would just be an added bonus for me. Today I am a divorced/single black female who is still handling her business. Independent! Yeah right? Who are we really fooling with this feminist approach to life? I cannot pretend any longer. I am feeling like New Edition….Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike when they were singing, “ I need a girlfriend and need her right now huggin’ kissin’ holding me tight....NEVER letting GO!” In my case I am singing, “I need a boyfriend and I need him right now! Hugging, kissing holding me tight and NEVER LETTING ME GO! Now that is the frequency I am on today. However, tomorrow might be something totally different, I might be strong again, but today I am weak and feeling the need for a boyfriend in my life RIGHT NOW!

So, what is a girl to do? What? Go buy some tools to pass the time by until that significant other comes along and fulfill my every want and need or get a quick fix? Which one? I thought I knew the answer to this question. I was sure I knew the answer to this question, but those good ole needs are playin’ tricks with my mind. Do I indulge in pleasure or do I wait it out for my prince charming to come along and sweep me off my feet and we live happily ever after? I know what you are saying. I know. I am moving back to earth!

In today’s society the average man knows or at least thinks he does not have to commit to a woman to get the goodies. And, don’t talk about actually marrying her to get the goodies its becoming harder and harder to stay pure nowadays. So many men are saying, ‘Hey if she doesn’t give it up, then I will move on to someone who will’ and there is definitely someone out there who will.

So, what is a girl to do? Do you compromise on your personal morals that you have set up for yourself for a night of hot steamy passionate sex or do you wait it out? Do you listen to Musiq Soulchild, "Wait, Just Wait, for something just a little better, WAIT, don't settle for what ever, JUST Wait, For someone that Can bring ME everything I WANT and NEED"? Or do you listen to R. Kelly, “My mind is telling me NO, but body is telling me YES I don’t won’t hurt nobody but there is something..............I must CONFESS.............I don't see nothin’ wrong..................with a little Bump and Grind”.

Who do you listen to? Do you listen to your mind that is usually right 9 out of 10 of the times or do you listen to your flesh that will surely have you crying the next day because this man will not return your phone calls or communicate with you any longer. Tricky!! Very Tricky!!!

TO BE CONTINUED!

Thoughts generated from New Edition song “I Need a Girlfriend”, but in my case I NEED a Boyfriend and I NEED HIM RIGHT NOW!

stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.