My baby freefree posted this last year in august of 2007 and i think it was interesting and funny so i thought i would re-post it myself.
hope you likey.
Independence…Yeah, Right? Who Really Wants That?!?!
I am a strong black woman who was taught to hold my own. Never depend on a Man I was told. And, make things happen for myself. The beautiful black women in my family drilled this into me. 'Depend on yourself and DO NOT depend on a Man for anything’ they would say. Even the men in my family encouaged this concept as well. They all encouraged me to have my own flow (money), so that if that Negro starts trippin’ I would be able to handle my finances on my own. His money would just be an added bonus for me. Today I am a divorced/single black female who is still handling her business. Independent! Yeah right? Who are we really fooling with this feminist approach to life? I cannot pretend any longer. I am feeling like New Edition….Ronnie, Bobby, Ricky, and Mike when they were singing, “ I need a girlfriend and need her right now huggin’ kissin’ holding me tight....NEVER letting GO!” In my case I am singing, “I need a boyfriend and I need him right now! Hugging, kissing holding me tight and NEVER LETTING ME GO! Now that is the frequency I am on today. However, tomorrow might be something totally different, I might be strong again, but today I am weak and feeling the need for a boyfriend in my life RIGHT NOW!
So, what is a girl to do? What? Go buy some tools to pass the time by until that significant other comes along and fulfill my every want and need or get a quick fix? Which one? I thought I knew the answer to this question. I was sure I knew the answer to this question, but those good ole needs are playin’ tricks with my mind. Do I indulge in pleasure or do I wait it out for my prince charming to come along and sweep me off my feet and we live happily ever after? I know what you are saying. I know. I am moving back to earth!
In today’s society the average man knows or at least thinks he does not have to commit to a woman to get the goodies. And, don’t talk about actually marrying her to get the goodies its becoming harder and harder to stay pure nowadays. So many men are saying, ‘Hey if she doesn’t give it up, then I will move on to someone who will’ and there is definitely someone out there who will.
So, what is a girl to do? Do you compromise on your personal morals that you have set up for yourself for a night of hot steamy passionate sex or do you wait it out? Do you listen to Musiq Soulchild, "Wait, Just Wait, for something just a little better, WAIT, don't settle for what ever, JUST Wait, For someone that Can bring ME everything I WANT and NEED"? Or do you listen to R. Kelly, “My mind is telling me NO, but body is telling me YES I don’t won’t hurt nobody but there is something..............I must CONFESS.............I don't see nothin’ wrong..................with a little Bump and Grind”.
Who do you listen to? Do you listen to your mind that is usually right 9 out of 10 of the times or do you listen to your flesh that will surely have you crying the next day because this man will not return your phone calls or communicate with you any longer. Tricky!! Very Tricky!!!
TO BE CONTINUED!
Thoughts generated from New Edition song “I Need a Girlfriend”, but in my case I NEED a Boyfriend and I NEED HIM RIGHT NOW!
stop settling for less in your relationships. you have the power to change your partner for the better. if you have an open mind don't be afraid to click here to learn more.
8 comments:
very revealing
that is the question
what do we do
and believe me men go through this too
but in most cases it's when we already have someone steady
this is why you have to look at cause and effect and think twice
think real hard about the negatives that can come from doing the latter
once you start thinking (seriously) then you begin to lose desire
if you think about it for like 5 minutes and think about like 20 negative things that can happen as a result of getting a quick fix you'll inevitably see the logic in waiting
not only do you respect yourself by doing that but you respect him because when you give into him you are saying that the only reason i want you is for what you can give to me and that is devaluing him
he doesn't see it until he finds someone that he really likes and she plays him just like he played others in the past
love this post
What you do is learn to think for yourself. Find your own answer. And the answer is not the exact same for all of us.
Some people need to have someone in their life 24-7, and others really just don't. Some people need constant attention, support and companionship, and others don't.
Sometimes you need sex just for the sake of sex.
And that's just reality. Doesn't make either way wrong or right.
The moment you stop "trying to keep up with the Joneses", or the people in your social circle, or your co-workers, or listening to what's the popular opinion via the popular talk show, book, seminar, song, your mama, etc, and figure out what YOU really need and what works for YOU, then you've got it locked.
Women need to learn to listen to themselves, and do what their soul tells them. 'nuff said.
And if you decide to get it, and he doesn't call the next day, you'll still live.
Just get on with it.
I agree with Fitness Diva. Very well put.
Responses from freefree (Thanks for the feedback):
@my baby....."what do we do"
i think that is the question
do we compromise our beliefs and standards for something we "think" we may want at the time or do we take a deep breath and "wait to exhale"...lol
today's society paints the the beautiful picture of not being tied down to anyone, doing what you want, when you want and how you want to do it....without giving the flip side of this behavior
more and more things are becoming the norm or acceptable in this day in time without weighing the cause and effect of one's action
i agree with you on what you said about us weighing the cause and effect of our actions and how we would probably think twice before we act on some of our decisions
your post about how to stop making the same mistakes gave us an excellent and powerful illustration about how ONLY focusing on the worst thing that could happen can stop us from making the same mistakes over and over again
however, as you mentioned you have to be careful when performing this technique because it is sooooooo powerful.
@fitness diva...i agree one should make the decision that is right for themselves
however, we should all really think about the decisions that we make and talk it over with "ourselves" and with others
by saying "nuff said" ends the dialogue and where do we go from there
we are all here to learn from one another that is the beauty of chillin in the tub or going to the tubman house of solutions...lol
jt gives a platform for his readers/audience (people like you and me) to have fruitful conversations with one another about key issues that we face within the black/african american culture, which leads us to acquiring some new found knowledge that we gain from each other
when we as human beings can share our life experiences with one another then we can grow as a people, as individuals, and gather useful feedback from one another that will indeed help us on this Journey called LIFE!
I don't think wanting to be strong/independent is synonymous with being single and alone. I think the message that they were probably trying to instill in you is--whatever comes down the pike, you need to know who you are and be able to be happy and satisfied in a relationship and fine when you're not in a relationship. If you're single and not dating someone, of course you're going to have your lonely moments or times when you feel like, this ish sucks. The reality is, you may not always have someone special in your life, and you need to be able to find value in your life regardless of what's going on, and not just get depressed because it sucks.
And my own geeky clarification--I think Girlfriend was one of Bobby Brown's first solo attempts.
freefree responds to:
@traveldiva…thanks for your feedback
If you really think about it there is a correlation with being “strong/independent and being single and alone” whether we as women especially black women want to admit to it or not
I have no problem being able to happy with ME, MYSELF and I that is not the issue.
The issue is about sex
It is about us as women choosing when to have sex
To me, and this is my humble opinion, sex is more than getting that quick pleasurable fix that our flesh is telling us that we “need”
I just feel that SEX needs to viewed in a more thought out process rather than just going through the motions or just going along with what the body is telling the mind that it thinks it needs at that particular time
I personal want to be married before I have sex again and yes, that is my personal preference
Just as Life said in his song, “It’s your S E X; Think before you Let IT Go”!!
Hi Freedom,
I think people definitely make a connection between strength/independence and single/loneliness, but I don't think it HAS to be that way.
In terms of sex, I completely agree. I think people view sex way too casually, and confuse love making and commitment with empty sex.
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