This woman has done a lot to screw the minds of Black women up eveywhere.There is no such thing as an independent woman.
Never has been never will be.
That's just a ploy to bifurcate black men and black women from each other even more.
Women, just like men, depend on other human beings in order to survive.
Do you have your own farms to make your own food? No.
Do you own a personal sweatshop in your basement to make your shoes and dresses? No.
And if you do, did you go out and pick the cotton to make that stuff?
Do you have your own nuclear missiles to protect you from people who might want to kill you?
The only reason why Black women have more choices in the world is because there are lots of employers out there who need capable women to work for them.
That's it!
And when you look at those employers who you work for what you're gonna find out is that they are, in fact, MEN!
Might not be that many Black men but they are men none the less.
So you are still dependent on them to maintain your job, your livelihood, your survival.
Having more choices and being independent are two different things.
Please give me your definition of what an independent Black woman is before my head explodes!
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37 comments:
I made it.... I am the true definition of an Independent woman! Ain't nobody gonna tell me differently. I took the time to teach myself how to Create graphics, web designs.. you get the idea... One day I WILL have my own business...(not limiting myself as a graphic designer" I got it all planned out.. I am just moving slower then usual lol...
i knew you could do it lol
lol..ur so silly....
(Sorry about that^^^)
Hi, just reading the blog, I'm new...lol
I agree with your definition of independent BUT I dont think B meant an independent woman was one who didn't need/depend on anyhbody but more so on a man to supply her every need....
Thats all.....:)
your hed has already exploded since it fathomed this ridiculous post... so I am not even going to go there and waste my time in explaining what an independant woman is...
I want to spend the time talking about why it bothers men so much. Are ya'll that damn insecure???
Seriously, ya'll always whining about the independant woman... if ya'll stepped ya'll game up and was taking care of business we wouldnt have to be so damn independant!
oOverrated.
BeYawnce is just overrated.
Anyways, definition an independent woman: is that woman who can confidently be fulfilled devoid of anyone’s validation.
She is happy in her own skin. She is kind, loving and lives by practical principles.
A women doesn’t have to be labeled Independent cos she CAN be happy without a man. Lots of men do that; so are they independent men?
No, there isnt such thing as an "independent man" or "independent woman" per say. But i think we've redefined the meaning of "independent woman" to not only mean a woman that is suffient enough to provide and do everything for herself (which is impossible) but also a woman that is according to societal standards today, is employed and provides for her material needs with the funds generated through that employment. Really no one is independent. We all just like to think that we can make it without each other. Men need women... otherwise they die of depression and loneliness. Women need men for same. Men also need other men (no, honestly!), for companionship (not just gay men either. I mean, can you imagine a man without a male friend? thats a sad case), and women need women for same (otherwise, why de a** do i keep making female friends when they always seem to scr** me up so d*** royally?!!!). It really is that simple.
oupojjjj
but i! MADSOULSISTA! now, i'm a true independent woman (i.e if there ever is such a thing)!!!
Alright.. A true means of an independent woman isn't someone who makes billion of dollars, by looking cute... Bee don't fit exactly... she can sing or whatever the hell she gets paid for but thats all it is....money gonna make u reach FAR....
My idea of an independent woman is a lady who, get her self in such position and get her self out of it....Reaching for the stars... eg... Raising kids on her own and struggling to get it all together... I'm not talking about the stripper shit...
It don't stop there.. Women been taking care of themselves for a long time... I prolly gonna be one of those wealthy females and i got the dudes knocking on my door...
but yeah you make sense.. there is no such thing as a true "independent person" We all need each other to get somewhere.. sadly but true.. notice how you got them "seasons" friends... they need your help... once they get it they off to be "independent" lol...
@ Eb comments lol.... she got a point there.... men are more insecure nowadays... NO matter how OLD them get.... hell... yall were taught to hide it so thats what all the fuss is about...
o james whatever. Why did the topic have to be independent women? Ur tryna say neither men nor women r independent so y r u emphasizin more on women?
leave us alone biko.
p.s- y didnt u just put this up in ur other blog than opening a second 1?
Let me put it too you this way. We have sexual independence, reproductive rights, the right to vote and if our man punches us in the face we can divorce his ass! 50 yrs ago a woman’s “job” was to quietly take care of her man and family. Sh*t now we can get a man’s job (might still be paid less) but the opportunity is still available.
Back up! Quit hatin’ and let us get ours, ladies is pimps too…Beyonce is just a metaphorical form of inspiration, don't take her literally...
James there r real independent women out there. i am aspiring to be one.(key word aspirin)
and i dont think madam beyonce has screwd mins up.i dont like her but...
see today's post for a response
as I run over to sista opd to see what she got. I will top and say, that true independance is not something that one shouts all the time. You just walk in it. It is way more than just raising kids on your own or putting yourself through school. It is being emotionally sound and able to function fully without outside independence. It is being able to make sound decisions without consulting everyone before you make a move. It is also about seeking wise counsel when needed. Knowing when yo ask for help. But not depending on or expecting anyone to help or rescue you. It is also the ability to stand and be a friend and a support to others but knowing when to step back. It is also about knowing that although A man or s/o would be nice, they do not make you or break you and you can be happy in your own skin. By yourself. Loving yourself. providing for yourself.
By Definition:
“FREEDOM, INDEPENDENCE, LIBERTY refer to an absence of undue restrictions and an opportunity to exercise one's rights and powers. FREEDOM emphasizes the opportunity given for the exercise of one's rights, powers, desires, or the like.
INDEPENDENCE implies not only lack of restrictions but also the ability to stand alone, unsustained by anything else.
The state of not being under control and being able to do whatever one wishes.
WOMAN, FEMALE, LADY are nouns referring to adult human beings who are biologically female; that is, capable of bearing offspring.”
To me, and independent woman is one who knows how to ask for help and support when she needs it. A woman that is fully PRESENT in the moment, yet prepares for the future.
And most importantly, she knows how to give and receive LOVE to her God, to Herself, and to Others.
An independent woman whom is really depended upon her GOD, Herself, and Others.
This is my first time responding on your site. Your writings are extremely fruitful. Keep allowing your gifts and talents to be used in this way of consciously awakening a world that is fast asleep!
-Freedom
Ironically, Beyonce would fit your definition of an independent woman--she's a businesswoman, she can do whatever she wants, and she's rich enough at this point that she could quit and live quite comfortably on her millions, not relying on any man. Period.
As far as Bey screwing up the minds of millions, that's debatable, and definitely gives too much credit to the pop singer.
But more generally, I think an independent woman is someone who thinks for herself, takes care of herself, and does not rely on a man to provide for her. The fact that women work for companies does not mean they are dependent on a man.
I think some black men have a problem with a woman saying she's independent because they feel emasculated. The irony in that to me is that if a woman is financially "dependent" then she's a gold digger.
No One is ever truly independent. I'm kind of confused by the responses that give the, kind of, mixed reaction to it, like people in here trying to have it both ways almost, but let's keep it 100% funky here. The definition of independence doesn't exactly fit what Beyonce is speaking on. she (as well as you MALES and FEMALES) are depending on someone to get that money, right? it don't grow on trees, and even if it did grow on trees, then you would be dependent on the tree!
There are no independent women, meaning all of you women in here replying in defense of the phrase are dependent on someone, some way shape or form, to maintain your livelihood. Unless your name is Oprah, meaning unless you have eliminated all of the barriers that restrict you from being on TOP of your business, I don't see women, or men for that matter, as being completely independent.
i read all of your comments and i am glad that you responded in a heartfelt manner
i think i have a good grasp on what black women think the term means now
thanx
they told you mister chilling in the tub... what are you rev. run now???
Why the heck does he give his words of wisdom from the bathtub?
I think the whole independent thing has a lot more to do with mentality and not so much of a a financial thing. Yes, we do rely on a lot other people for our existance but it's knowing that we don't need a man for our livelihood that helps us feel independent.
Well,....who knows? i think the ladies have to answer this much more than we men...
When we say such, they say we are just raising egos...you know but i think they are making noticeable progress...
They will climb ladders but i don't think ladies will be fully independent..Though we may wish...
1st i was going to reject answering all yall individually but i figured that you all put your hearts into the comments so the least i can do is respond back
i'm getting ready to open my big mouth again so yall need to pray for me lol
@lil sis...if you think that nobody can tell you different than by all means accept that definition
@danyelle... welcome sis
your point is well taken
but at the end of the day, more than likely she is going to need a man for something
@eb the celeb...it bothers men so much because it's not true
instead of being dependent on black men you are now dependent on other men
in any society, it's the males that are the providers and protectors of that society
just because you don't have to be up underneath a man 24/7 doesn't mean that you don't need one to take care of your basic needs
you have to think broader than that hun lol
@honey...men are an added bonus in relationships
there are many more facets of life than just relationships
even the so called independent women sometimes need other women to listen to her and help her through her issues
i respect your opinion though
@miss maple... i haven't seen you before
welcome
i appreciate you taking the time to define the term (unlike some others, eb lol) but i have to humbly disagree with you assertion that women don't need outside validation
if women didn't want to be validated so much they wouldn't spend so much time on their looks and physical apperance
keep coming back babes
and men want validation too but they need it from a woman
@mad soul sista... what's up shawdy
thanx for hollerin
"we all just like to think that we can make it without each other"
i agree with that
i wonder why that is though
and who came up with this new definition of the independent woman
black men and black women need each other because historically we've always been under attack by white men and women in this country
even though they are nice to us now it doesn't mean that it's going to last
so we have to be prepared to go against them just in case they act crazy again
and saying that you are independent in that case is counter productive
thanx
@lil sis... it is insecurity
we just know that we don't have the power that we once had
but it still doesn't change the fact that you are not independent
@dl... awe pipe down
you always talking about how bad men are
how's it taste now lol
i emphasized women because that pisses me off more when yall do it lol
you are right i should have said something about it when guys do it
it's really annoying when they try to say that they got everything themselves (arrogance)
i care a lot about what women think so i guess i'm more vulnerable when they say it
oh, and the other blog is all about solutions
on this one i get to talk all the s*#t i want lol
@puddin... why i gotta be a hater lol
women do have more choices now
it's not the same as being independent
i like the fact that women are more sexually independent
i love that
but there is more to loose if a woman messes up in my opinion
@anonymous... haven't seen you in a while
keep trying you might get there
this independent woman thing started with the feminist movement
if it was such a good thing why are there so many unfulfilled women out there
i don't know
@deepenthought...thanx for your comment
i think women should find a more objective definition for themselves
as soon as you have to depend on somebody for anything you are not independent period
@freedom... wow
mind blowing comment
even in the definiton of a female is dependence upon a man lol
i'm glad that women have more choices to freely express themselves
i think it is harmful when you minimize the affect that others have had on you
it'ss not black women's fault of course
we live in a society that projects this myth of individualism
it is a divide and conquer strategy
if we knew how much we needed each other (especially in this day and age) i don't think a lot of women would use that term
thank you so much for stoping by
@traveldiva...
i don't like that term because it's not true
it's like saying i birthed myself and i raised myself
can you see the ridiculousness of that statement
i understand the psychology behind it so it doesn't bother me as much
but i hope that you all pick a better term to explain yourself because to me that term seems a little weird
@ceaser...even oprah is dependent
the people who own the banks are protecting her money
if somebody robbed a bank and if the company she had stock in plummeted you might see oprah on the corner somewhere lol
you hit it right on the head my brother
either you're this or you're that
either you are pregnant or you aint lol
dag, i was wondering when one of us would help me out on this one lol
good looking out son
halla back
@afro... i'm glad you decided to stop by
i really think that some sista's say independent women because they know it's going to piss a man off
women have more choices to control their lives
this doesn't necessarily mean that you are totally self sufficient
@eddie... peace
it's a fantasy
it's a nice fantasy too
i think when women say that they are independent to a black man they are saying that i don't need a black man to support me because my white male boss will
and to be honest that makes me feel bad because just like eb the celeb said if Black men were taking care of our business they wouldn't have to front like they were independent
it's a way of rubbing it in our face sometimes i believe
bHi JT,
I am a debater so I must comment on your response to me.....LOL!
I was in no way “minimizing the affect that others have had on me”. Moreover, if that were what you gathered from my response then it would indeed be a tragedy for the black woman and black man.
I believe the two genders (males and females) do need each other in order to survive. I do not know of any human being “individual” that can reproduce an offspring by “individualism”. We need each other plain and simply!
In fact, I was celebrating the ability of a woman to be a woman, pursue her purpose in life, and have a wonderful black man in her corner as well.
You see, it all starts with us being “individuals” so that we know who we are. And, by knowing whom we are we then know that life gets better and better when we learn how to communicate with each other in love and understanding.
It is exciting when TWO individuals come together for the common good of society, community, love, sex, marriage, friendship, courtship, humankind….etc that is a beautiful sight to witness.
I love the black man! In addition, I will personally do my best to encourage him whenever I can. I will also let the black man and sistas know that behind every great, "independent", strong black woman is a dynamic, warrior black man allowing her to be HERSELF!
That is why I believe in not doing those things that a man can do when I have a man around….i.e. taking out the trash, carrying heavy boxes, mowing the lawn, taking care of the cars..LOL!
On the contrary to your observation of my response, I believe in celebrating the differences between the male and female species knowing that we both are different, yet the SAME in so many ways. We ALL are in search of LOVE!
I do understand that a man wants to feel needed and wanted and if women go around saying that we are “independent” from him then that might cause him to think that we want to be independent from him. But that is not the case at all. None of us was created to be alone. Women do need a man to be a man as much as the man wants a woman to be a woman.
So, let us keep the dialogue open and fruitful so we both (man and woman) can learn from each other how to express our feelings and concerns civilly without prejudice to one another.
Just my thoughts.
Peace!
Freedom
thank you miss freedom
i think when women say that they are independent they are minimizing the effect that others have had on them
they might not be purposefully doing it but i believe that's what they're doing
it's not our fault that we are so individualistic
so i don't blame women
however i don't necessarily like it but i'll tolerate it because black women more than a word
JT,
I had to research the lyrics to Destiny's Child "Independent Women" song to see what the fuss was about connected to her.
Now, I do understand your plight about the "words" a little better after reading the lyrics. I had to forward them to ya!...LOL!
-Freedom
Destiny's Child - Independent Women Lyrics
Lucy Liu... with my girl, Drew... Cameron D. and Destiny
Charlie's Angels, Come on
Uh uh uh
Question: Tell me what you think about me
I buy my own diamonds and I buy my own rings
Only ring your cell-y when I'm feelin lonely
When it's all over please get up and leave
Question: Tell me how you feel about this
Try to control me boy you get dismissed
Pay my own fun, oh and I pay my own bills
Always 50/50 in relationships
The shoes on my feet
I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing
I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin'
I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've bought it
The car I'm driving
I've bought it
I depend on me
(I depend on me)
All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
Tell me how you feel about this
Who would I want if I would wanna live
I worked hard and sacrificed to get what I get
Ladies, it ain't easy bein' independent
Question: How'd you like this knowledge that I brought
Braggin' on that cash that he gave you is to front
If you're gonna brag make sure it's your money you flaunt
Depend on noone else to give you what you want
The shoes on my feet
I've bought it
The clothes I'm wearing
I've bought it
The rock I'm rockin'
I've bought it
'Cause I depend on me
If I wanted the watch you're wearin'
I'll buy it
The house I live in
I've bought it
The car I'm driving
I've bought it
I depend on me
(I depend on me)
All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
Destiny's Child
Wassup?
You in the house?
Sure 'nuff
We'll break these people off Angel style
Child of Destiny
Independent beauty
Noone else can scare me
Charlie's Angels
Woah
All the women who are independent
Throw your hands up at me
All the honeys who makin' money
Throw your hands up at me
All the mommas who profit dollas
Throw your hands up at me
All the ladies who truly feel me
Throw your hands up at me
Girl I didn't know you could get down like that
Charlie, how your Angels get down like that
(repeat until fade)
Tub, I am a deep person yet I think you are getting too deep. I find it ironic how many black men just don't get what women mean by independent. It is kinda like how whites don't get the discrimination that blacks get.
What's so wrong saying a woman does not have to dependent on a man finacially(direct,not indirect like you have been mentioning). What's wrong when for centuries women were denied the freedom to earn wages and not come under second class treatment by men.
Who said a independent woman did not need someone? And why such emphasis on a man providing? LOL. Tub why such a bug in the butt about this man-woman thing? I am sensing something amiss.
Dude, don't get ya draws on in a knot if a woman shows her independence, it is real. Freedom to do for self without permission from a male authority or complete dependence on that male, it does feel freeing.
Quit being so literal, geez man. We are ALL actually interdependent. Yet, we have individual independence.
Freedom's eloquent responses say SO much than I can articulate.
@free... thanx for getting the lyrics
hmm, if i knew how ridiculous the song was i probably wouldn't have used her for a reference lol
it seems like "independent" women are trying to be as dominant and as pigish as chauvanistic men have been
that's what gets me
hell i'm glad that women can take some of the pressure off of us
but i don't think they should emulate the chauvanistic pigs they hate
and that is what i see in some women (not all)
holla anytime babes
@shai... the reason i am so opposed to the term is because we are interdependent
so why act like anything else
yeah you have more choices
and if most women wanted to they could live without a man help supporting them
another reason could be i could be jealous of their independence
right now i have to depend on others more directly because i am in a transitional phase
so maybe i'm jealous of the independence that some women have because i wish i had that so called independence myself
i don't know
and don't say anything else about my draws unless you wanna see me in them lol
Haha, interesting point! And one that I think is oh so true. Its kinda like the myth of "pulling yourself up by your own bootstraps." No one ever does that, cause everyone needs help. Even "independent women." Its ok to lean on your brother!
L
@lola...i think i got a lot of women riled up with this one lol
it seems as if you understand where i am coming from
thanx for the looooove lola
That is a horrible picture! lol!!
cmon man, a bit harsh dont u think
that was jacked up picture lol
and i know this was a ruff post
but the ladies handled it well
This convo got hot and heavy after I left... and I saw that little stab you tried to take at me too... but its all good!
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